Friday, April 19, 2013

A Thing Called Life

Hey. Hi. Hello. Greetings.

So...I am yet again in this awkward situation where I don't quite know what I want to tell you...because there's always a ton of things I have to explain, yet I realize a majority of you don't even read the entire thing, if not read it at all, (once you usually see the length) but, I thank those of you who are kind enough to be interested in my feelings and actually read them.

In this post, I'm going to talk about some more personal things, nothing extreme, but enough so you know who I really am at the moment. To be honest, I don't quite know who I am myself...a lot has happened. These past couple of months have brought a lot, some good, some bad, but all in all, many life changing things. Want the truth? Okay, here is is: I have not touched, nor looked at my dolls in months. Seriously, like 4 or 5 months. Sure, they sit right in plain sight in my room, but I simply have been ignoring them. The only doll I've used for anything has been Savannah, but only during the shooting of an AGMA assignment, which OHHHH no one likes! Trust me, I know. The amount of views on my assignments is so downhill compared to normal videos...but I can relate, photo shoots can get extremely boring after a while. Photography is not everybody's interest, because I know that if I was subscribed to someone, and all they posted for about 4 months was photo shoots, I'd get bored with them myself. Although I wouldn't unsubscribe, I would still like and possibly comment if I was really up to it on the photo shoots anyway. Back to the doll story: I'm not trying to do this on purpose. I still love them, and they hold a special place in my heart that can't be broken, I can promise you that. It's personal life has gotten so busy in these months that I simply haven't had the time to even look at them...As a clarification, I am NOT LEAVING, most people hit the panic button once they hear someone isn't as interested in dolls anymore. So no need to comment, "Please don't leave!" to me, because I'm not.

Who saw the newish video on my backup? It's a sneak peek to what I am filming! To answer your question, I am still making videos, I am trying to manage my time is all. I couldn't possibly leave you all just like that. How could I just say, "Goodbye. </3" in my header? It will not happen. And, to add on with my lack of doll interest, I also haven't signed in AGTube for about three almost seems like I'm avoiding it, right? I feel guilty in the sense that I am avoiding everything doll related right now...but there's worse things going on in my life right now too.

I noticed that I have been very sad and felt alone for a while it depression? I wouldn't know. There have been things that I have often thought about...horrible things...but I've been trying to move past it. I'm not suicidal, please don't question me about it. If I was, I would have received professional help by now. But I think about things I really shouldn't. I may have anxiety issues too...I'm a very awkward person to be around when you first meet me. I am extremely quiet in school, and I only talk to my closest friends. If someone I don't know very well talks to me, I don't know how to hold a conversation...which is actually a really bad thing, because it means I can't make new friends. But I love my two best friends, they're (one more than the other) very much like me, I guess we can all relate to our odd behavior.

I'm so sorry for writing such a depressing post...I hope I'm not making anyone sad, I'm not worth crying over. Please just remember, I care. I'm still here, I still love my dolls, I'm here to stay, I am making videos. It's mostly my own life that I'm concerned about.

Maybe I'll spend some quality time, just my dolls and I this weekend. <3
Thanks for reading.

americangirlrox11 studios


  1. Awww..I am sorry..:( i feel your pain..people at school havent been talking to me..i am trying to get that fixed. i only have a really close friend that talks to me. but anyways i hope you can feel better! it is always good to have quality time with dolliez! Feel Better!
    P.s it is animalaglover345 from YT!

  2. Great, Lauren!!! As long as you try, that is all that matters! And I for one actually DO enjoy photography for 4-5 months! :)I know how you feel about the anxiety thing. I'm very shy and keep to myself and only talk to my best friends. We would probably be friends :)

    And remember, about your "Find Me" and "Lost in Los Angelous" videos, the most amazing real movies seen at the theater take FOREVER to film! (over a year!!!!) If someone complains, tell them you are making a motion picture event. :)

    Just keep swimming, Lauren. You can do this. <3

    xoxo, Erin

  3. It will be OK Lauren I know things are hard right now for you but just hang in there for now. Your dolls will still be there when ever you feel up to filming with them again. I don't mind waiting for a video. Will be right here waiting for you. <3

  4. I totally understand Lauren. <3
    Almost the same thing has been happening to me lately. I've just been too caught up with school and I haven't really touched my dolls a lot. I just noticed it yesterday and now I'm just trying to get back to AGTube and dolls and everything. Good Luck!
    Sometimes you just need time for school, and friends
    We're always here for you Lauren, always. ♥

  5. I am so sorry... I understand! I don't really know what to say, but I will always be here for you! <3

  6. Yeah.... I feel you. I haven't touched Lexi (AG doll) in a month!JUst remeber Lauren, we're all there for you. ~ Jamie

  7. I want to let you know that you aren't alone. I have anxiety attacks, and litterly all the things you said in your post. I was getting sick of it all ruining my life! I still struggle with it, but I'm getting better with dealing with it:) Just give it time, and it WILL get better! I really hope you see this:)
    ~ AG SquirrelQ

  8. OMG, I'm quiet at school and I only talk to the people who I really know. And the whole "feeling alone" thing happened to me last summer because I was Cyberbullied and I stayed in my bed 24/7 eating ice cream.... XD And whenever I had to get up I would have a break down...... Uh yeah it was kinda weird looking back at it but.... Yahhhh..... I only have on BFF who is AGprincess66 but sometimes she is..... Awkwardddd... Hahahahahaha!!!! xD

  9. So to get this out of the way, youre not alone. I pretty much go throught he same thing.

    About the whole M.I.A. thing, *real* subscribers would actually be somewhat patient. You didnt make an account for other people, you made it because *you* wanted to. Therefore, make videos when *you* want, and we'll be here. ;D

  10. Hang in there! I hope you feel better soon!
    ~ Keke

  11. Oh Lauren at this age aren't we all trying to figure out who we are? I know this year has been huge for me as well. Changing & next year going to high school. I do watch your photo shoots but often don't comment due to it not being fair to just comment on one AGMA assignment. I'm glad to hear that you aren't leaving YouTube. Just it takes time to find time. I know that sometimes weekends get busy & stuff & you just don't have time for YouTube. That's the way it is. People realize that the older you get the less time you can spend just making videos & always be on the internet. Education really amps up & your school works piles up & you just need time to think. I use to be really shy too. Till this day I am super bad at carrying out conversations to people I don't really know that well. Lets just say small talk isn't my forte...BUT what I found that helped me is I looked up some "how to be confident" articles. I know that seems stupid but it actually helped ♥ Well please talk to me if you want to chat!! Love ya Lauren, we are always here for you! LOL sorry for the long comment...