Hey. Hi. Hello. Greetings.
So...I am yet again in this awkward situation where I don't quite know what I want to tell you...because there's always a ton of things I have to explain, yet I realize a majority of you don't even read the entire thing, if not read it at all, (once you usually see the length) but, I thank those of you who are kind enough to be interested in my feelings and actually read them.
In this post, I'm going to talk about some more personal things, nothing extreme, but enough so you know who I really am at the moment. To be honest, I don't quite know who I am myself...a lot has happened. These past couple of months have brought a lot, some good, some bad, but all in all, many life changing things. Want the truth? Okay, here is is: I have not touched, nor looked at my dolls in months. Seriously, like 4 or 5 months. Sure, they sit right in plain sight in my room, but I simply have been ignoring them. The only doll I've used for anything has been Savannah, but only during the shooting of an AGMA assignment, which OHHHH no one likes! Trust me, I know. The amount of views on my assignments is so downhill compared to normal videos...but I can relate, photo shoots can get extremely boring after a while. Photography is not everybody's interest, because I know that if I was subscribed to someone, and all they posted for about 4 months was photo shoots, I'd get bored with them myself. Although I wouldn't unsubscribe, I would still like and possibly comment if I was really up to it on the photo shoots anyway. Back to the doll story: I'm not trying to do this on purpose. I still love them, and they hold a special place in my heart that can't be broken, I can promise you that. It's just...my personal life has gotten so busy in these months that I simply haven't had the time to even look at them...As a clarification, I am NOT LEAVING, most people hit the panic button once they hear someone isn't as interested in dolls anymore. So no need to comment, "Please don't leave!" to me, because I'm not.
Who saw the newish video on my backup? It's a sneak peek to what I am filming! To answer your question, I am still making videos, I am trying to manage my time is all. I couldn't possibly leave you all just like that. How could I just say, "Goodbye. </3" in my header? It will not happen. And, to add on with my lack of doll interest, I also haven't signed in AGTube for about three weeks...it almost seems like I'm avoiding it, right? I feel guilty in the sense that I am avoiding everything doll related right now...but there's worse things going on in my life right now too.
I noticed that I have been very sad and felt alone for a while too...is it depression? I wouldn't know. There have been things that I have often thought about...horrible things...but I've been trying to move past it. I'm not suicidal, please don't question me about it. If I was, I would have received professional help by now. But I think about things I really shouldn't. I may have anxiety issues too...I'm a very awkward person to be around when you first meet me. I am extremely quiet in school, and I only talk to my closest friends. If someone I don't know very well talks to me, I don't know how to hold a conversation...which is actually a really bad thing, because it means I can't make new friends. But I love my two best friends, they're (one more than the other) very much like me, I guess we can all relate to our odd behavior.
I'm so sorry for writing such a depressing post...I hope I'm not making anyone sad, I'm not worth crying over. Please just remember, I care. I'm still here, I still love my dolls, I'm here to stay, I am making videos. It's mostly my own life that I'm concerned about.
Maybe I'll spend some quality time, just my dolls and I this weekend. <3
Thanks for reading.